I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
