I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
