Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
