are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
