i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
