HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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