I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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