Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
