You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
