The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
