I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
