He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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