The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
