I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
