I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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