is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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