suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
