I cockslap morals
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
