Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize