Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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