i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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