You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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