You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
