I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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