You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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