She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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