He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
