please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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