Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
