Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
