like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
