I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
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we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
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the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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