Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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