ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
