I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
People with herpes should wear stickers.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
