the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
