Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize