I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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