I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
