I hate all girls vehemently.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
