What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We got so high we made milksteak
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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