There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
