I wish I could teleport
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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