see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he told me I talked like a deaf person
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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