he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
