My sheets look like a crime scene.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
