he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
