My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
