What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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