I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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