Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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