Need sex. Gaining weight.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
