and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
