Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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