i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
