rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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