you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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