Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Jerry, you need to find god
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
