i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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