Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
