No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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