Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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