These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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