I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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