I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
