i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
